Iran Reveals Its Most Devastating Weapon.
“The Straightjacket of Trump.”.
Pentagon sources say Iranian military planners actually have a protective detail assigned to Trump. Not to kill him. To make sure nobody else does either. He's considered a strategic asset of incalculable value.
Iranian Supreme National Security Council reportedly held a 6 hour emergency session before concluding, and I quote, “Why would we take out our best guy?”
“We spent 45 years trying to destabilise America,” one senior Iranian official allegedly told Al Jazeera. “This bloke's done more damage in 2 years than our entire revolutionary programme. The man is basically doing our job for free. And badly. Which, in this case, is perfect.”
Iranian economists have reportedly modelled the cost-benefit analysis and determined that one Trump presidency is worth approximately 14 nuclear warheads, 6 major cyberattacks, and 200 years of anti-American propaganda. And that was BEFORE he started a war that sent oil to $190 a barrel and handed them the moral high ground on a silver bloody platter.
In a related development, Iran has officially renamed the Strait of Hormuz. It will now be known as “The Straightjacket of Trump.” Tehran says the new name better reflects the corridor's current strategic function, which is slowly squeezing the American economy until it loses its mind. A spokesperson added, “The name also honours the mental state of the man who decided to fight a war on top of his own oil supply line.”
Meanwhile, Hezbollah has reportedly renamed its internal Trump file from “Great Satan” to “Employee of the Month.”